3 Things that Confident People
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Welcome to Trips in Silence and to this mini-training.
Why focus on what confident people don't do?
You might be wondering why I chose to focus on the things that confident people never do, as opposed to the things that they do. And the reason for that, is that human beings are naturally confident. But as we grow up, we start doing things that we copy and absorb from others, and slowly that leads us to feeling more insecure, over time.
When you were a baby, you were confident. You did everything right. And what we want to do, to become like that again, is to stop doing the things that started making us feel insecure.
So here go those 3 things:
1. Confident people never pretend to be something that they're not.
The most confident people we know, are unique. And it's their uniqueness what makes them stand out. However, in today's world, being unique is a sign of bravery. Showing up in the world exactly the way you are means that you're bold, because not a lot of people are doing that.
It's seems easier to be like everybody else, because when we copy behaviours that we know are accepted, then we also know that we'll be accepted. But will we stand out and will we feel free by copying what everybody else is doing? Most certainly not.
Confident people allow themselves to show the world who they really are. And that involves showing their fears, their feelings, their thoughts and their opinions. Confident people never pretend to be what they're not. This means that if they don't feel confident about a specific topic, they don't pretend to be confident about it. Instead, they choose to be honest and humble enough to ask questions. And in doing so, ironically, they feel confident as human beings, and also - they look coNfident.
They know that not knowing everything about everything, doesn't make them less. So they don't feel the need to pretend that they know everything. Not pretending to be confident on specific matters, is what allows them to be confident people as a whole.
So confident people don't feel like they need to look, speak or walk a certain way to be enough. They understand that their value is in their journey and in their story. And they know that they bring the most value into the world, by being themselves exactly the way they are, and sharing their story just as it is. They know that they're no less and no more than other people, and they don't feel the need to stand behind the facade of a story that's not theirs.
2. Confident people never take other people's lives personally.
Confident people don't draw conclusions about themselves, based on other people's lives. They don't feel intimidated by people that are more skilled or more successful than them, because they know that what other people do has nothing to do with them.
They understand that we're all ongoing different journeys, that we're all at different stages of those journeys, and that we all have different ways of coping with the battles that life throughs at us. And it's this mindset, which allows confident people to react with respect and admiration, when facing other people being way ahead of them.
Confident people never feel bad, inadequate or miserable, when people around them are succeeding, even if they're not. They know that other people succeeding can only mean one thing. And that is, that if they continue to prepare and to show up, they will also succeed.
Confident people don't get sad or insecure over Instagram pictures of people having what it seems to be a better life or bigger success. They don't feel insecure in front of people at work with more experience and skills than them. They don't define themselves as less, based on other people's situations.
They allow themselves to be inspired by those who are ahead in the road, and they use this inspiration to fuel their own journey.
3. Confident people never let external factors define their self-esteem.
Confident people never let their self-esteem oscillate around external factors such as achievements or recognitions. They know that those things are temporary, and they also know that achieving challenging goals and going after big dreams, requires a lot of trial and error, which involves plenty of failure.
Because confident people don't allow external factors to define their self-esteem, meaning, how they value themselves as persons, they also don't allow failure and mistakes to define them. They know that failure isn't permanent, as long as you get back up after falling, having learned something.
Confident people don't let other people's opinions define how they feel about themselves. They're perfectly fine with receiving negative feedback from their bosses, managers, mentors, customers, friends or family. They know how to filter other people's opinions, when to use them as a way to grow, and when to dismiss them because they're not constructive and overly subjective.
Confident people are not emotionally attached to what others think of them, and don't allow the world's expectations to define their choices and how they live their life. They live intentionally and mindfully, always making sure that their choices will reflect a happy and meaningful life for them.
They know that their happiness is in their own hands, and that they're more likely to help the people around them be happy, if they're happy themselves, first.
Confident people don't leave their life and destiny in the hands of external factors. They don't allow people, places, situations, weather, and obstacles in general, define their way to success. They have a strong growth mindset which allows them to see all circumstances as opportunities to fly even higher.
They know that the course of their life is in their hands, and that it's never too late to turn the steering wheel in the right direction, after whatever mistake they've made.
So there you have them. These are 3 things that confident people NEVER do.
Let's quickly recap.
They never pretend to be something that they're not.
They never take other people's lives personally.
They never let external factors define their self-esteem.
I invite you to take some minutes and reflect on whether you're doing these things or not.
I wasted valuable time making those mistakes.
In my case, I spent valuable years of my life, unconsciously doing these things, while not knowing how harmful they were being for my life. But it was during my late 20's that I started feeling the emotional weight of doing them.
Why pretending to be confident didn't help.
I realised that I'd often pretend to be confident so that other people would perceive me as such, but pretending to know things and hiding myself when I was unsure around certain topics, only made me feel suppressed and unfree.
Are you intimidated by your colleagues like I was?
Also, while I was working as an engineer at a big corporation, I realised that I'd be intimidated by colleagues with way more experience than me, and I'd often feel dumb because I couldn't achieve what they achieved in the same short amount of time that they used. Or I'd look at some of my close friends with their boyfriends or getting married, while I was still single, and it made me feel terrible.
My self-worth wasn't in my own hands.
And finally, I realised that my self-esteem was completely dependent on external factors. It was especially dependent on how others perceived. The days in which I got my Bachelor's degree with honours, and then my Master's degree, where some of my happiest days, because of the external recognition and the compliments that I received in those days.
And there's nothing wrong with that. We all love and deserve that, don't get me wrong. But I noticed that when I wasn't getting positive feedback, about my work, or how I looked, or even when I was failing in the process of achieving a big goal, which is completely normal because mistakes are necessary in order to achieve anything, well I would suffer through the entire process. It was only when I succeeded that my self-esteem would go up.
So I had a very unstable self-esteem and sense of confidence.
But this one thing boosted my self-esteem & confidence.
But thankfully, all of this changed for me, when I started going inwards through mindfulness rituals, and understanding where my insecurities were coming from. I welcomed reflection, journaling, meditation, visualisation, and intention setting into my life, and these practices took me to such deep places within my soul, that my transformation happened automatically in just a few days.
Reading about self-esteem and confidence allowed me to understand what I was missing. But these mindfulness practices that I just mentioned, allowed me to finally feel confident no matter what. I started showing up as a different person. One that didn't have to pretend, but who truly felt happy and free to be me, all the time.
If you want to do it too, I'll help you do it right now.
If you're wondering what is it exactly that I did, because you want to do it as well. I've got great news for you, because I've put together a 7-day step-by-step program, where I teach you the exact combination of reflection, mediation, visualisation and intention setting, that allowed me to stop feeling insecure and inadequate after 20 years feeling like that, and boosted my self-esteem and confidence to be me unapologetically.
We have reached the end of this training!
I want to thank you so much from being here, and for welcoming Trips in Silence into your life. I hope that this training was helpful, and if it was, and you're ready to take the next step into building unshakeable self-esteem and confidence, join me on The Inner World Journey because you'll love it and it will change your life. I'll see you inside.