MODULE 1 - TRAINING 2
Building a belief system that sets you up for non negotiable success & happiness
Our belief system is at the center & core of absolutely everything in our lives. You may or may not have heard of this term before, so that's why I'm going to give you a quick explanation of what it is. But more important than that, we're going to dive deep into how your current belief system is affecting the way in which you perceive yourself and others (both personally and professionally), as well as your ability to feel and perform your best.
Our belief system is the compilation of thoughts and ideas that we either consciously or unconsciously believe to be truth. That's pretty much it.
WHY DOES IT MATTER?
Now, why is this important? Well, it's important because 100% of your emotions are influenced by your belief system, and 100% of your decisions are in one way or the other, influenced by your emotions. This means that your belief system affects your emotions, which affect your decisions, which create your life.
Our belief system defines how we perceive the world, our lives, ourselves and others. And our perception of what's going inside and outside of ourselves, is our truth. And see, perceptions are not objective. They're the most subjective thing that can exist, really. But our human experience as a whole, is also a subjective experience. So when it comes to your belief system, the first thing to keep in mind is that this system belongs to you and only you. It's an intimate thing. No one else has the right to come in and affect it, unless, you allow this to happen.
IT'S NOT YOU
In our previous training, we talked about emotions, and how different emotions will arise, depending on the subjective meaning that we attach to objective facts, situations or circumstances. You might think that this subjective meaning that you attach to different situations, is defined by you. But guess what? It isn't. This subjective meaning, is defined by your belief system, not by you. The good news is that you are, indeed, responsible to define what your belief system looks like.
Every time that you do something or that something happens to you, you generate an automatic reaction that's based on your belief system, meaning, based on the things that you believe to be true. In the moment, when you're reacting, you might feel like you're actively choosing your reaction, which you are. But you're choosing that reaction based on your belief system, which is already deeply engrained and programmed in you.
Our belief system starts to form itself when we come to life basically. So many of our beliefs, we've unconsciously adopted from our parents and siblings, and some others from our friends, teachers and even colleagues.
UNAWARENESS IS THE KILLER OR FREEDOM
There's no real issue in having a belief system, or adopting beliefs from the people around us. The problem arises when we end up with a belief system that's not being beneficial to us anymore, and we're unaware of which aspects of this system are the faulty ones.
When it comes to personal transformation, awareness of our belief system is HUGE. But more importantly, considering how broad our belief system is, we need to explicitly tackle the areas that are relevant for the transformation that we want to see.
BELIEFS THAT WILL BRING YOU DOWN
I want us to take a moment and reflect about the beliefs that most people have, regarding different things that are highly recurrent in our professional journey or in our pursuit of success in different areas of our lives.
Today, we're going to analyse beliefs around: perfectionism, fear of judgement, self-esteem, stress, confidence, achievements, boundaries and working hard.
NOT WANTING IS NOT ENOUGH
Before we dive into each one of these topics, there's one thing that I need to highlight. Not wanting to believe something anymore, is not enough to stop believing it. Not wanting to believe something, is actually only the 1st step, which is indeed necessary, but not sufficient.
Quite commonly, people want to get rid of a certain belief, but they find themselves struggling to do so. The reason why these happens, is that there's still a part of them who believes that holding on to that belief will keep them safe. As long as a part of you still believes that a certain belief is serving you, you will continue to act based on that belief. It's when you fully understand and accept that that belief is truly not serving you, that you'll feel deserving and confident enough to release it. Now, let's dive into the specifics of what's holding you back.
If you're a perfectionist, I get it, I'm also one. And that's why, I know exactly what you're thinking when you continue to choose perfectionism. As perfectionists, all we want to do is to make sure that we'll do a great job. But behind our perfectionism, lies great fear of making mistakes, because perfectionism doesn't allow mistakes. The strong need to not allow mistakes, comes from a deep fear of being judged and questioned based on them, and behind this fear, we'll find quietly hiding all of these beliefs:
If everything's perfect, no one will be able to judge or question me.
If it's not perfect, people will criticise what's not perfect.
If they criticise my work, it means that it's not good enough.
If my work is not good enough, I'm not good enough as a person and professional, because I made that work.
If I'm not good enough, I don't deserve to be here and work on this position.
If they notice that I don't deserve this position, then they'll find someone that can do my job better than me.
Perfectionism is rarely about doing a great job in itself, but more about doing a great job, in order to prove our worth to others over and over again. And this, leads us to the next point.
FEAR OF JUDGEMENT & SELF-ESTEEM
A person who has a strong and stable sense of self-esteem, is not as afraid of judgement as someone with a very unstable self-esteem. I refer to the words unstable and stable, because it's healthier to have a moderate and stable self-esteem which is not completely dependent on other people's opinions, than to have an extremely unstable self-esteem which skyrockets every time you get a compliment, but makes you feel depressed for 5 days when you get negative feedback for something.
Self-esteem refers to our perception of ourselves. How tied and dependent this is to other people's opinions or comments, is up to us to decide. The problem is that most people forget that we can and should have an opinion of ourselves, that's independent of what others think of us, in different moments and under different circumstances.
Someone with a deep fear of judgement, often neglects their our ability to have a powerful opinion of themselves, that could possibly differ to someone else's. This person, often carries these beliefs:
I need to prove my worth to others through my work and way of being.
If others don't see me as a brilliant, smart and confident person, then I'm none of those things.
If others don't tell. me how good I am, then I'm probably not that good.
I am what others think I am, so I need to prove to them that I am who I want to be.
If others judge me, I'm not getting the external validation that I need to feel good about myself.
I'm allowed to feel happy and relaxed when others say nice things about me and about my work. If they don't, then I need to work for their validation, so that I can earn my right to feel happy and relaxed.
No one who has a strong and stable self-esteem, is so afraid of what others will say or think of them. What hurts us, is not that others think poorly of us, but the idea that what they think, could be true. Someone who's self-esteem is highly dependent on others, has a strong belief that other people's opinions of them, are true.
CONFIDENCE & ACHIEVEMENTS
See, achievements are great. They're byproducts of our growth process. But there's a huge difference between a happy achiever and a miserable one. A miserable achiever suffers the journey towards a goal, celebrates on the achievement day, and shortly after falls in a lake of suffering, until the next achievement happens. A miserable achiever doubts herself until she can prove her worth through her achievements, and she's pray to a strong illusion that links confidence to those achievements. These are some of the beliefs inside the mind of a miserable achiever:
I will feel confident when I achieve that thing
I'm not allowed to feel confident until I achieve that thing
I'm not allowed to relax until I achieve that thing
Achievements are proof of how good I am
Achievements will get me external validation, and this validation will make me feel more confident
My achievements define my worth
My past achievements don't mean anything if I can't continue to achieve more
Trying to look confident will make me feel confident
Hiding my insecurities will make me look confident
Showing my weaknesses and worries will make it seem like I'm not confident
The more we attach our confidence to something happening in the future, the less we allow ourselves to bring into the present moment, the certainty that we have what it takes. No matter how much you've achieved in the past, if you always link your confidence to the next achievement, you'll never feel worthy of confidence.
True confidence comes from within. It comes from the realisation that every single one of your past achievements, was generated by you, which means that you already have in you, the ability to replicate success, over and over again, even if the circumstantial details are different.
Another huge miss-conception of confidence is that the more we pretend to be confident, and the more we hide our insecurities and weaknesses, the more confident we are. That's completely wrong, because by pretending to be someone that you're not, you're neglecting who you truly are. And in doing so, you're unconsciously sending yourself the message that you being you, is not good enough.
Full acceptance of who we are is what leads to true confidence, and to our ability to relax, even before we've achieved the next great thing. We'll dive deeper into this specific topic, and the relationship between self-love and confidence, in the following modules.
Stress is normally linked to success, in a way that has made us addicted to it. We believe that no stress, anxiety and suffering, leads to no success. And most of the time this comes from our own experience. If the only way you've known to achieve something is through stress, you'll naturally believe that if you relax you'll become complacent and fall behind.
But stress and pressure are not responsible for the most expansive and magical forms of creativity. They're responsible, in some cases, for us delivering things on time. But at the same time, they're responsible for the decay of our mental health, when gone out of control. There is a way to owe your success to your inspiration, creativity and ability to tap into something greater than you, and we'll dive deeper into this in the following modules. But nor now, let's look at some of the beliefs of a person who believes they need stress:
If I relax, I'll fall behind
I deserve to be stressed
Everyone else is stressed and busy, so if I'm not stressed and busy, I'm probably doing something wrong
I need to feel pressure and stress in order to succeed
See, if you believe that stress is necessary for your success, that's what you'll manifest. But if you believe that feeling mentally healthy, at ease, and working from a state of flow and creativity, is responsible for your success, then that's the form that your life will take.
BOUNDARIES & WORKING HARD
Many of us struggle to set boundaries. We struggle to say no and to not overwork ourselves beyond what's healthy. But behind our inability to stand up for ourselves, there are core beliefs that force us to continue saying yes, when our soul knows that that's not the right choice to sustain our health. Here are a few of those beliefs:
Successful people don't rest. They work for as long as it's necessary, even if it means working long hours, not sleeping enough, sacrificing exercise, and free time to enjoy with my loved ones or by myself.
I need to work hard because I'm young and I can
If I say no, I'll disappoint others and they'll stop liking or loving me
If I say no, I'll be seen as selfish and lazy
If I'm not overworking I'm not trying hard enough
If I don't get the results that I should get, and I didn't overwork, I need to feel guilty because I didn't do everything in my hands
See, it's not that you shouldn't put effort into your work. But overworking and burning yourself out is something that your ego is guiding you to do, for you to feel good about yourself, based on your belief system. Overworking causes mental fatigue, burn-out, loss of creativity, frustration, and overall, it harms you as a human being. And guess what? You're the most important tool that you posses. So you need to take care of yourself, set your boundaries straight, and respect them.
Alright so, we just went through a bunch of very common beliefs that hold us back, and keep us in an addictive loop of unhealthy patterns.
As I said earlier, diving deep into our belief system and figuring out what beliefs are causing us to feel certain emotions, is a fundamental key to transform ourselves and embody the confident, serene, energetic and relaxed person that we dream of being.
A great way to find out what exactly are the beliefs that are causing us to feel overwhelming stress, fear, anxiety, sadness, and low self-esteem, is by consecutively asking why, and pealing the layers of our beliefs.
For example, getting sad and stressed over your boss giving you negative feedback, is rarely about your boss's opinion. If you ask yourself why enough times, you might reach the conclusion that what hurts you and stresses you, is the idea that what he or she believes about you, is more important than what you believe about yourself, or that what that person thinks about you, is what's entirely true. It could also mean that you attach your entire value to every little comment that you get, and a negative comment, in your perspective, turns into something much more painful than it was initially intended to be.
IT'S UP TO YOU
Now that you understand the difference between an empowering and a disempowering belief system, it's up to you and only you to choose the type of belief system that you want to have.
An empowering belief system that expands you and makes you feel light, will set you up for sustainable growth and success in your career, that you'll be able to enjoy.
In our next training, we'll go deeper into using your new belief system to prepare the inner world of a confident, joyful and relaxed achiever, and you'll understand how this new inner world will manifest the serene success that you so much desire.