MODULE 3 - TRAINING 3
Building confidence through courageous self-acceptance
Loving and accepting ourselves fully, comes with drastic changes in our way of approaching life and relating ourselves to other people.
At this point, you know that self-love is not only about going to the beauty salon and getting new highlights on your hair. That's just one way to take care of yourself. But using self-love as the intention behind everything that you do, will cause you to inevitably start making different decisions, if self-love didn't have an active role in your life before.
Although the previous two trainings are necessary to set a strong foundation regarding what self-love really is about, it's in this training, where we'll dive deep into how much your life will change if you commit to using self-love as your guiding light, in absolutely everything that you do in life. This can include anything, from how you feel about yourself while doing a scary presentation, to saying no to that friend that you just don't feel like meeting today. So let's do it my love, let's dive right into it.
CONFIDENCE THROUGH SELF-ACCEPTANCE
In the previous training, we mentioned self-acceptance as one of the ways to give yourself love. And for the purpose of this training, self-acceptance is something that we'll be talking about a lot. And that's because in this training, we're diving deep into confidence and where that really comes from.
We've previously mentioned unshakeable confidence during this program, but today, we're going to link unshakeable confidence to self-acceptance, because self-acceptance is the biggest and most powerful source of true innate confidence.
See - when we think of confidence, we many times think about other people. We think to ourselves ''Oh I want to look confident like him, or confident like her'', and we unconsciously assume two things. First we assume, that looking confident is the same as feeling confident, and then we also assume that the reason why those other people seem so confident is because of their achievements, which automatically makes us feel like we don't deserve to feel confident until we achieve as many things as they have achieved.
So let's analyse these two assumptions separately, and understand why it's exactly these assumptions the ones making us feel doubtful and zero confident.
LOOKING CONFIDENT IS NOT THE WAY
Let's talk first about assuming that looking and feeling confident are the same thing. Look, pretending to look confident is the biggest disservice that you can do to yourself, because if you're good at pretending, trying to look confident might actually work. You'll probably convince everyone in your office that you're a confident person. But honestly, if you practice looking confident and only that, you'll feel like shit inside. And you'll get this recurrent imposter's syndrome more and more every time.
The more you pretend that you've got everything figured out, that you barely make any mistakes, that you don't need any help because you're super smart, self-driven and independent, and that doing presentations or calling clients doesn't scare the shit out of you, the more you'll know that you're pretending, and the more pressure you'll feel to live up to the expectations that you've created for others about yourself. Everyday will feel heavier, and the higher you climb the corporate ladder or the more you advance in your entrepreneurial journey, the more you'll feel like a complete scam.
WHAT'S THE FREAKING POINT?
So honestly, mastering the art of looking confidence is zero smart. As non-Spanish speakers would say in Spanish: no bueno. Not good at all. In fact, very painful is what it is. What's the freaking point of having everyone think that you're confident if all that that's creating for you, is pressure and anxiety? There's no point in just pretending to be confident and looking confident in the eyes of others, if you're going to feel miserable everyday, and if this feeling is going to intensify itself more and more everyday.
But what if, you could look confident as a natural reflection of you feeling confident? What if you could feel whole and at peace with yourself, and certain in your ability to show up everyday and do a good job, and because of that genuine feeling, naturally irradiate that confidence and calmness?
I'm sure you're thinking right now... ''Well, that'd be awesome! But I don't feel that way, so how do I do it?''
I hear you my love, I hear you, and that's why we're here. To tackle this issue the right way: at the root of it, so that we can transform this situation, from the inside out. No more pretending for you.
NO MORE PRETENDING
When we pretend to be something that we don't feel is who we truly are, we're automatically sending our mind and body the signal that who we are when we're not pretending, is not enough. So the more that you pretend to be something that you don't believe you are, in order to look confident, the more you're telling yourself... ''Who I am right now, is not enough to feel confident.'' So you're unconsciously rejecting yourself.
I know that this might feel a bit contradictory with the fact that as part of this program, I'm also asking you to visualise yourself being your ideal self. So maybe you're wondering... ''Well Mary, isn't that also pretending?'' And the answer to that is: It's not pretending, if you're doing it the right way.
See - when I ask you to visualise, I'm not asking you to PRETEND that you're a person that you're not. I'm asking you to use your imagination to BE your own version of your ideal self.
There's a huge difference between being and pretending. Being carries the belief that you are this person, so when you visualise and you imagine yourself being this person, the energy of pretending isn't there. When you do a visualisation in deep connection to your soul, you allow yourself to unfold into what your soul already knows that you're capable of being.
That person is already in you, and the gap between who you're being in real life and who you're being during your visualisation, is only the limiting thoughts that tell you that that's not who you are.
On the other end, pretending, carries the belief that you're not this person. Usually the need to pretend to be something that you're not doesn't come from your soul. It comes from external pressure and from the idea that you need to become what others perceive as correct, in order to meet their expectations.
So when we're faced with the real world, and we haven't previously set an intention to align with our soul and to embody this person that comes to life in our visualisation, we end up pretending to be whatever we come up with in the moment, from a place of pressure to fit in.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE'S NATURAL BYPRODUCT
So, how is all of this related to confidence in itself? Well - quite a lot. because confidence, as I said earlier, doesn't come from pretending to look or even be confident. It comes as a natural byproduct or accepting yourself. And that's where the magic of self-love, and more specifically, self-acceptance, comes in.
If you can accept yourself as whole, complete and perfect, exactly the way you are in this moment, you'll automatically send to your body and mind the message that there's nothing to be fixed, before you deserve confidence.
And yes, my love, you ARE perfect, even though you might be tired of hearing that no one is perfect. In fact, I myself, have told you that perfectionism is a dangerous and destructive word, because it keeps us paralysed always reaching for something that doesn't exist.
But truly - that really depends on what we believe perfection is. Most of the time what we believe perfection is, is not even something tangible, but just the idea that no matter what, somehow things could always be better. Which is not a lie really, because possibilities are endless, so in time, and under different circumstances, yes of course, anything can be improved. But in the present moment, with the current circumstances that we're faced to, and with our current knowledge and experience, and the background that we have so far, nothing can be more perfect than it is.
Tomorrow, things can be different, subjectively better or improved. In a month, or in a year or in 10 years, things could for sure be improved too. They could be different in a million different ways, in the same way in which you'll probably be different, more skilled in some areas and with more experience in some others. But right now, in this moment, that future doesn't exist, so it doesn't really matter. All you have right now, is yourself as you are.
IN THIS VERY MOMENT YOU'RE PERFECT
And so we go back to the reason why you ARE indeed perfect exactly the way you are. Because we're talking about who you are right in this moment. It's the notion of you being perfect with your imperfections, which basically means, that you are who you need to be right now, which is the only person that you can be, which is yourself.
ACCEPTANCE DOESN'T LIMIT GROWTH
So here's the thing my love. Self-acceptance has nothing to do with not improving ourselves or with quitting growth. And in order for you to fully understand that, I need to use the notion of time to help myself.
Acceptance is about the present moment and nothing else. And guess what? The present moment moment is really the only moment that we get to experience. Basically the past only lives in our memory, and the future only comes to existence in the present moment.
So really, the only moment in which we are, exist, create, feel and live, is the present moment. And the more we can accept the beautiful past and journey that has taken us to today, the more we can accept that there's no way to change who we are in this very moment. Then and only then, from a place of full acceptance of who we are today, we can focus our energy on using this present moment to create what inevitably will become our future.
RESISTANCE & REJECTION
When we resist and reject who we are today, by comparing ourselves to others and believing that it's not right for us to embrace who we truly are in this stage of our lives, we live in a permanent state of self-doubt and anxiety. It's never enough. We're never like others already are. And there's an inner fight between your soul's desire to enjoy the journey through embracing your current greatness and you trying to be what your mind's limited belief system is telling you that you should be.
REWRITE & REALIGN
It's when you shed the limitations of your belief system, rewrite this system from a place of deep connection to your soul and essence, and start operating based on this new belief system, that you start feeling aligned to something greater, while releasing the recurrent need to be something that you're not.
It's in this feeling of full acceptance of who you are in this moment, and deep love and gratitude for the unique journey that has taken you to where you are right now, which finally allows you to release the idea that you should know what others know, be like others are and act like others do.
THE FUTURE IS INEVITABLE, SO BE PRESENT
Using the magical energy of the present moment to compare yourself to others and to resist how far your journey has taken you, by believing things like ''I should know better by now'', only harms your ability to use this moment to create a future that aligns with your desires. The future is always coming because time runs inevitably, so whatever you do today will create an outcome that you'll see manifested in the coming future.
So the more you practice self-acceptance of who you are and the more you fall in love with your unique journey, the less you'll feel the need to be anything other than who you are in this present moment, and the more that natural feeling of confidence and ease will come.
CONFIDENCE IS A CONSEQUENCE
Confidence arises in you when you intrinsically know and feel with every cell of your body, that you are enough just as you are, no matter what your field of work is. Self-acceptance is truly your best friend when it comes to efficiently using the present moment to evolve into the best possible next future.
Now, let's talk about that other assumption that we make about confidence, which is that we need to have other people's achievements, skills or experience, in order to eventually earn confidence.
I'm pretty sure that after everything that we've talked about until now, you already have a strong feeling of how wrong this idea is. Because if you're allowed to accept and love yourself at whichever stage of your life you're in, then other people's achievements, skills and experience completely lose their relevance. They can be relevant for collaboration, motivation and inspiration, but never to define your ability to feel confident in your skin with the person that you are and the stage at which you are in your journey.
THE BRAVE & COURAGEOUS YES
So my love, now that we understand that confidence comes as a natural byproduct of ditching the need to pretend, and instead, embracing and accepting with open arms who we are exactly the way we are in this moment, let's dive into the courageous act of saying YES to ourselves, no matter what others think.
When you constantly say yes to something that you're not in order to fit in, to not be perceived as weird, or based on fear of rejection or of disappointing others, you're betraying your purest and most unique form of self: the embodiment of your soul.
YOU CAME TO BE YOU
You came to this world to be you. To be unique. To do things your way, in your own unique style and with your own magical and divine sauce. And in many cases, that will trigger others, because it will put them outside of their comfort zone. Seeing someone being unique and bringing a light that not many people dare to shine, can catch many people off guard.
But that's NOT about you my love. That's a reflection of their own fears and the inner work that, to this day, they haven't had the opportunity to do.
UNCHAIN YOUR SOUL
It's absurd for you to keep your soul chained behind a rock, in order to avoid others from thinking that you're weird, too honest or too vulnerable. Look at your soul as this beautiful and magical kid that you have in you, who wants to face the world and its challenges like a big adventure.
You don't want to come to your last day on earth and think to yourself... ''Damn, I never set my soul free, because I was afraid of what others were going to say...''
Saying yes to yourself, to your true self, to your soul, is not only an act of love but also an act of courage and braveness. And it's a decision that you make and choose to commit to, from a place of love.
And we go back to the fact that in loving yourself, you're doing a favour to the world, because it's through this deep sense of self-curiosity, self-acceptance, self-kindness, self-empowerment and self-care, that you become the most joyful person that others would want to have around them.
YOU'LL INSPIRE & REPEL
You don't become something specific to please others, you re-become who you were born to be before your limiting thoughts guided you otherwise, and in doing so you'll become a shining light of inspiration for others. Maybe not for everyone at the beginning, but you'll start attracting the right people into your life. Those who're ready to be inspired by you, will be, and those who aren't, will move on with their lives without you, and that's okay.
As long as you're treating others with the same respect, curiosity, acceptance, kindness and care with which you treat yourself, everything will flow smoothly. It's when you start breaking these principles with anyone, be it yourself or others, that things start to get dirty and chaotic.
BACK TO NATURE'S MAGIC
And with this, we go back to our innate nature and wisdom as part of something greater than us. Everything in nature and in creation is sacred, and that includes both you and the people around you. But each one of us are responsible to take care of our own lives.
IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
During your entire life, no one is more responsible for your ability to reconnect to your soul through self-love, than you are. So make sure that day in and day out, you make it part of your daily intention to honour your existence and to be brave and courageous enough to give yourself the love that you deserve, through your actions.
Alright my love, we made it to the end of this training! I'm so proud of you for making it this far in the program, and now we're ready for this module's magic sheet.