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I'm not going to lie. It's been a while. It's been a while since I was here, writing my heart out, because my inner thoughts have gotten the best of me. There has been a quiet yet strong voice within me, that questions whether what I have to say makes a difference or not. It questions, not even if anybody cares about what I have to say, but if any of it even makes sense. I'm honestly out of practice when it comes to putting together words that mean something. But today, I gathered the strength to come back here, and give it another shot.
Letting my heart speak
Over the past months, I've witnessed in my heart a lot of reflections that I've genuinely wanted to share. But instead, I've allowed my inner critic to keep me from doing so. Not today though. Today, I'm giving my heart a voice. I'm making room for it to speak. I'm opening up the doors of the world for it to go out and find its place. Today, I feel inspired by people that have fought their inner demons to be able to share their art, and with that art, changing our lives. With their music, their lyrics, their poems, their painting, whatever it is.
So here it goes. This, is what my heart has to share today.
One, two, three.
Stop making yourself small
Stop making yourself small so that others like you. Stop changing your way of being, simply to not make others feel uncomfortable. I'm not talking about being disrespectful or breaking other people's boundaries. I'm talking about that thing that you do, when you think of a joke or a hard truth that you want to share, and you keep yourself from sharing it because you're afraid that the people around you will leave you.
Well, what if they do? What if they leave? What if you say something or do something that's very you, and the people that surround you actually leave? Would that be so bad? Wouldn't that make space for the people that you actually need? Wouldn't that simply show you, that perhaps, you're not what those specific people want or need in their own lives? Would it be so bad that you part your ways?
Perhaps what you're not realising is that there's really no need for you to adapt, ever. Perhaps rejection is what they call a blessing in disguise. Perhaps the best thing that we can do, is aim to be rejected as soon as possible by all the wrong people in our lives, so that we can be redirected to the right ones.
But wait. Would that constant rejection mean that we'll have to navigate a few moments in live alone, while the right people arrive? Perhaps. But perhaps it's also not so bad to, stop changing your way of being to be accepted simply somewhere, out of the fear of not belonging anywhere.
Who would you be?
What would you do if no one was watching? What would you say? How would you be? What would your words sound like? How would you look? What jokes would you make if you knew that you wouldn't be judged or left alone? What songs would you sing? How would you sound? What would you talk about? What would you share?
It happens so often to me, that I share something with someone, and based on that someone's reaction, I perceive myself differently. I guess this is just normal human behaviour, but it's anyways something that we need to keep in check, because we can't allow ourselves to be 100% dependent on how people around us perceive us.
What if you're surrounded by people culturally totally different to you? What if they don't get your humour & you don't get theirs sometimes? Does that say anything about each other? Not really. It's a simple matter of understanding. Or lack of understanding, in that case.
Give yourself a chance
I wan't you to be out there as yourself. I want you to be able to remember who you are, underneath all those layers of untold criticism, that are currently covering the truth of you. I want you to remember who you actually are. I want you to give yourself a chance to share that thing and be that person, without punishing yourself when it's not well received, whatever that may mean.
I want you give yourself the chance to continue to think that you're funny when you share that joke and that specific guy doesn't laugh. I want you to continue to think that you're smart & creative, when you share that idea with your boss or your colleague, and they don't get it.
I want you to continue to do whatever it is that you love doing on a Saturday afternoon, even if that friend of yours doesn't resonate with it. I want you to continue talking about the things that make you happy, even if you've met a bunch of people that don't feel the same way.
I want you to keep being you, in front of people that don't get it, simply because you get it, and that's enough. Because my love, when you realise that you liking yourself, who you are, and what your life looks like, is more important than anyone else doing so, you'll finally start putting your focus, time & energy where it matters the most.
Be all about it
Work on liking yourself. Work on accepting yourself. Work on being comfortable with being different. Work on allowing yourself to bring back the truth of who you are. Dig deep to rediscover who that is, and nurture it. Don't wait for anyone to give you permission to be you, or for anyone to join you in doing the things that you want to do. Go ahead. Be that thing. Do that thing. Talk about that thing. Obsess about that thing. Be all about it, and let whoever needs to leave, leave.
Fall in love with yourself, the way you envision someone else falling in love with you. Let that magic into your life, from you to you. Stop waiting. Stop being passive about it. Start romanticising who you are. Allow yourself to be the you that you were born to be, and not the you that you think you should be.
Love,
Mary.
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