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2024 has been the year in which I couldn't leave Sweden. I'm not going to get into details, but in a nutshell, I had visa constraints that didn't allow me to leave the country.
I started the year having in mind travel plans with friends and family. None of them happened. And you know what? I'm grateful for that.
Often times the possibility of running away is so accessible, that we don't even consider, working out our shit. All we want to do is ignore the challenges that life is presenting to us, and instead of growing through them, we miss out on the opportunity. We take the easy way out, and with that, we stay small.
I was forced & I loved it
This year forced me to be at peace with what was, and in full honesty, I loved it. I loved it because it allowed me to find beauty and fun in things and activities that were already available in my life.
Summer of 2024 wasn't exotic and full of fancy pictures on the other side of the world. Instead, it was a calm and warm hug to my soul.
I spent countless hours in the balcony listening to music, while feeling the breeze on my face. I danced alone in my living room, while sun rays came in through my wide windows, colouring my living room sofa and carpet.
I biked around Stockholm, wore my bathing suit in loads of cute spots by the water, listened to audio books and podcasts, went to concerts both with friends and also by myself, worked out in my living room, went for runs, and went to my usual workout classes in my favourite boutique studio.
I strolled the streets of Stockholm upwards and downwards, by foot, by bike and by metro, and asked myself all the big and small questions a girl in her thirties can ask herself. I drank hundreds of oat-milk iced lattes as a true millennial, ate out every time I felt like it, and went window shopping more times than it's probably healthy to do so, whatever that may mean.
I spent hours and hours by myself, and loved every minute of it. But also, I had my mom and dad visit me, as well as friends coming from abroad. I got to show them where I live, my routine, and every little coffee place that has ever brought me joy. We went out for short runs, long walks, deep laughs, and fun talks.
It was a blessing
At the beginning of the year, I thought that me not being able to plan for holidays abroad like everyone else, was a course. Not only did I think so, but the thought would get reassured to me, by other people's reactions, when they would feel sorry for me.
But ironically, now when I look back, I realise that me not being able to plan for holidays abroad like everyone else, was a true blessing. This limitation gave me permission to stay in and slow down. It allowed me to do what my soul needed the most: to take a break. It allowed me to find and enjoy the beauty in my routine.
This year, I reconnected to the small things, and simultaneously, slowly said goodbye to unprocessed sadness and nostalgia that I had been carrying for the previous two years. This year, I could process and notice, that finally, I'm in a better place now. Not just circumstantially, but also emotionally.
Give yourself the space
So my love, give yourself time. Give yourself space. Give yourself slowness. Give yourself room to be bored, and in that boredom, finding appreciation for the beauty around you.
Maybe what you're looking for, isn't in the other side of the world. Maybe what you're looking for, is right in front of you. Or even better, maybe it's within yourself.
Love,
Mary.
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