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Today, I'm sharing with you a letter I wrote to myself a few days before defending my Wind Energy MSc. thesis in Denmark. But more than a letter from me to me, this is a letter from God to me.
Let me explain. When I sat down to write this, I was nervous. And I knew that I had in me everything I needed to calm myself down. So I asked myself this question...
''If God was here with me... what would he tell me?''
So this is what I wrote....
Your fear doesn’t know you well enough. Your fear doesn’t know you at all. Don’t let your fear call your steps. Let it be there, for as long as it is able to survive. You'll then notice how little that is. You're so much bigger than anything your fearful thoughts suggest you are.
Give yourself the chance to question
Wake up. Give yourself the chance to analyse those thoughts with the same intensity with which you judge yourself and others. Use your energy for your good. Don’t believe everything that you hear, nor from others, nor from your mind. It hurts me to see how smart you are, and how little you're able to notice it. If you only knew how far you can go, by taking 10 minutes every day to question how much of what your mind is telling you is true.
Believe me when I tell you that the only thing holding you back is yourself. What’s holding you back is not what you think is holding you back. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I have no idea what I am talking about. That I don’t understand. Oh boy. If you only knew. I am there with you, in the struggle. Whatever you feel, I feel. Whatever you doubt, I doubt.
The only difference between me and you
The only difference between me and you, is that I believe a bit more than you, that it is all lies. All the limitations, all the excuses, all the problems. I believe a bit more than you, that they only exist in your mind. And that little extra belief that I have, is more than enough for me to get out of the illusion. But what about you? Well. You'll also get out, I can assure you that. But only under one condition. You have to want it, and you have to do the work.
Here you are, one week prior to defending your thesis, debating with yourself on what’s important and what’s not. Listening to you mind questioning over and over again, whether the job you did was good enough. And then your mind asks, good enough for who? For who does it have to be good enough. For the judge. But is that true? What’s really the point of it all? Why did you choose to learn something new? Was it for the judge, or was it for yourself? Be honest.
A part of you doesn't believe this
Let me help you out there. You have already won. And I know this is hard to believe. I know that you are listening to me, and that you want to believe me with all your heart. Because believing this would mean finding peace. But a part of you is scared of feeling so free. A part of you thinks that being happy can’t be so easy, because if it were, more people would be happy. Because if it were that easy, people wouldn’t go around stressing all day about their unsolved issues, draining each other’s energy with their made-up sorrows.
But yes. You have already won. And I will tell you why. Nobody can take away from you everything that you learn through every experience. It is simple. The more you are willing to learn, the more you will learn. The less you are willing to learn, the less you will learn. And if you are willing, I will make you rise high, so practice being willing.
Being willing might be hard, because you are scared of what’s on the other side. You are scared of failing, so you stop before you even try. But there is nothing to be afraid of. I am here to help you. To pick you up when you fall, and to guide you to the next option.
Do I really need to fail?
I know that a part of you is hurting while you read this. You are wondering if failure is really necessary. You are scared that I'll hurt you so that you can learn. I won’t. You never really fail, you fall, which are 2 different things. And the reason why you fall, is because you are not listening to me. And I love you so much, that even when you ignore me, I'll continue to pick you up, until eventually, you'll listen, and you'll succeed.
You'll then look back, and think about all the times you failed. And you will finally realise that you never did. You just fell. But because a part of you did trust me, even if sometimes you couldn’t hear me, you let me pick you up, you learned something, and you kept going.
That strong mental battle
I know that you have a strong mental battle going on within you right know. I also know that you have grown so much in the past years, that you are able to carry that battle with incredible elegance. You don’t cry too often, and when you do, it is to serve the purpose of releasing what you don’t need.
You have become aware of your limiting beliefs, and you trust me much more than ever. Because you have felt my presence by now, and you know that I’ve never let you down when you’ve asked me for anything, at the end of the day you always come back to me.
I also know that at the same time, you still struggle in your faith. And this is not by choice. I can see that it comes from the fearful beliefs that we talked about. I can see how much you try to walk away from them, and how they keep pulling you back. Be patient. You have carried those beliefs for a really long time.
Give yourself time to adapt
Give yourself some time to become comfortable with knowing that you can have anything that you ask me for. I know that it’s a strange thing to realise when you have believed the opposite for so long, which becomes even harder when the people surrounding you are also so doubtful.
Remember that when you ask me for something, and you trust that I will help you, we become a team. Realise that when you believe that I have your back, the pressure goes off your shoulders, and you perform better. You become more focused, because you know that the weight of the world is not on you.
I always have your back
I understand you, I support you, I love you, and I'll continue to have your back every single day of your life. This does not mean that I'll sabotage your small self. I'll only help your big self. You have to trust me. You have to trust me when I tell you that you already have everything that you need.
And by everything, I don’t mean that your life is over. By everything, I mean tools. I have given you all the tools you need. I know that you are feeling doubtful and fearful again. If you don’t trust yourself, trust me. What you need, you have. I have seen you graciously travel through all the challenges you need to take on the challenge you are facing today. It is the right time.
Remember to practice being aware of the signs. The signs are everything. I am constantly talking to you, and walking you through. Remember that signs might not look the way you are expecting them to look. Don’t forget that you don’t know what you don’t know, and wisdom is infinite.
I've made you whole already
Remember that there are a billion paths, which is a lot more than the few paths that your mind has limited yourself to belief in. Don’t force yourself into what does not feel right. Don’t try to be something that does not feel natural to your soul. I have made you whole already. You do not have to fix anything. What you need to do, is little by little, let go of the lies that you have been burying yourself into.
You are everything you need to be.
You know everything you need to know.
I am everywhere around you.