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For those of us who are optimists, accepting and acknowledging the difficult times, is hard. We don't want to act like victims, nor to be seen as such, because we don't see the point of drowning into negativity and helplessness. And that's why, we're masters at pretending that everything is fine, even though at some level, we know that we're hurting.
For those of us who are dreamers and optimists, it's hard to notice how easily and how often we're bottling up emotions. We're too scared to look at our darkness, and we feel like there's something wrong with us when we feel sad, angry, frustrated or disappointed. So when such emotions arise, we quickly dismiss them and turn our head to the bright side, because we know that focusing on the positive is what allows us to keep moving forward.
Navigating the side effects of being an optimist
See my love, these words that you're receiving right now, are not about there being anything wrong with being an optimist and wanting to look for the silver lightning in what we go through. These words, are about the not so nice side effects that can come with being that way, such as bottling up emotions, and how to navigate these side effects, without stopping to be dreamers and optimists.
As much as being positive is amazing, it's important that we learn to acknowledge and embrace our darkness. It's important that we understand that as much as our positivity is driven by the dreams of our soul and our infinite potential, we're still walking the experience of a human being. And that experience, comes with emotional challenges that deserve a safe place to unfold.
The reality of the human experience
Regardless of our endless potential and how much we know there is to be grateful for, as human beings we go through earthly challenges that are difficult to swallow at a human emotional level. Things go left when we wanted them to go right, relationships end, goodbyes to loved ones must be experienced, blocks in the road to our dreams arise, and with all that, loss and pain arise on a regular basis, causing our human heart to ache.
My love, today, I want to encourage you to stop. Please, pause. Before you move on to embracing everything that you should be grateful for, pause for a minute with me right now, take a deep breath, and allow yourself to acknowledge how crappy and shitty, some of the things in your life feel right now. For a minute, allow yourself the gift of processing the duality of being human, and give yourself the gift to honour not just the feel-good things in your life, but also the heaviness of it all.
Acknowledge that some of it sucks
Allow yourself to say to yourself... ''Gosh, this sucks, and I really feel like crying and giving up right now'', with the awareness that that thought, together with the feelings that arise as you acknowledge the thought, are not all that you are, but are still an important part of your human experience, right now.
In this moment, practice cultivating the art of creating a safe and loving space for the pain in you to be seen and felt by the awareness of your soul, while at the same time, having the wisdom to not confuse your identity with such pain. In loving awareness, hold the space to get in touch with your emotions, so that you can stop bottling them up, and instead, allow them to flow.
The problem with bottling up emotions
The problem with bottling up emotions, is that the human in us, still wants to be seen and heard. And the more we bottle up those emotions that want to be heard and seen, the more we unconsciously accumulate a sense of being unheard and unseen by others.
We don't want to be seen as victims, but we become bitter because no one understands what we're going through and how much we're suffering. We bottle up emotions of sadness, fear, anger, disappointment and frustration, because we don't want to been as weak by others, but in doing so, we also don't allow ourselves to see that part of us.
Holding space for the darkness
We hold on to this idea that in order to be strong and successful, there can not exist weakness within us, and we don't realise that holding a safe space for the darkness and discomfort in us, requires a higher level of strength and courage. Because owning our feelings when they're hard to swallow, while not confusing our essence with them, requires a higher level of awareness.
People often want to know how to train their minds to be stronger than their emotions, and often think that the way to do so, is through thought, by thinking their way out of the emotions. But the reality is that in order to grow stronger that our emotions, we need to learn to own our feelings, and move through them. We need to learn to live in the presence of them, and instead of fighting their existence, we need to put out the welcome mat for them, and open our arms to them, in loving acceptance.
You'll be surprised
So my love, my message for you today, is a call for you to hold a safe and loving space for your darkness to exist. Allow the pain to be there, in the awareness that although your essence is larger and greater than such pain, that pain is an important part of your human experience, that deserves to be seen and heard. And by practicing seeing those parts of you that feel hurt, you'll be surprised by how much more seen, heard and loved you'll feel in your life, without desperately craving the love of others, but accepting it on top of your own love for yourself.
Love,
Mary.
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