How To Stop Seeking Approval & Validation From Others By Building Self Trust

Updated: Mar 9

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The only reason why we try so hard to convince others that we're right, is because we think that we need their permission in order to believe whatever it is that we want to believe. There, I said it. The reason why we're on an endless journey of approval and validation seeking, is that we have no self trust.




We tell ourselves that we're so sure about different things, because our soul is. But our ego doesn't allow us to believe whatever it is that we want to believe, until others believe it first.


When our self trust is dependent on our ego, we often seek validation and approval from others because our ego's self trust is dependent on what others think of us. But when our self trust is guided by our soul, we quickly stop seeking validation and approval from others, because our soul doesn't feel the need to be ''right'' in other people's eyes. Our soul's way of doing life, goes way beyond that.


Approval seeking 101: Trying to convince everyone

When our self trust is dependent on our ego's self trust, we talk to our loved ones and we try to convince them to believe that thing that we want to believe ourselves, because we don't think that we're allowed to believe anything, unless others do first. Other people believing and agreeing with us is a form of permission that we've learned to be addicted to. And that's really why we keep exhausting ourselves mentally and emotionally asking others if they think that what we're coming up with is a good idea.


Who are we trying to convince, really? Do we really care about what others think and believe because we care about them, or do we care about what others think, because we've attached our freedom to their opinions?


When we look at it this way, we realise that the core reason why we care so much about other people's opinions, is not that we care about what they think so much, but that we care about our own freedom. And ironically, we've attached our freedom to what they think. Their approval means our freedom to us, so we feel like we need to seek that approval or validation, in order to set ourselves free. That's what I call a painful approval seeking behaviour.


And then you clearly see it

Diving into mindfulness and learning to peacefully observe ourselves and our inner world, until the point in which we finally reach our subconscious is a liberating experience not just because we silence the noise of the world, but because we finally start to clearly see the true root cause of our suffering in different situations.


It was through the 35 minute long meditation that I just did before sitting down to materialise these thoughts through words in this space, that my awareness shed light on this notion. The notion that the reason why we're so hooked and care so much about what others have to say about us, our personality, our performance, our way of living life, our plans for the future, our opinion about the past and the present, and our approach to facing the challenges in the present, is simply that we're desperate for permission. We want to know if we're doing things right, and we don't dare to make that call using our own intuition. We rely more on other people's knowledge and wisdom than on our very own, and we totally forget, that the people around us are as lost as we are, and at the same time, that we are as wise as they are.


The conclusion is always the same

Because at the end of the day, the conclusion to everything in life is always the same. We all come from the same place and have the same magical force of the universe flowing through us. And this idea that others know better than we do because they're more experienced, qualified, knowledgable or skilled than we are, comes from the idea that their experiences, qualifications, knowledge and skills are more meaningful than ours. An idea that automatically causes us to seek external validation.


But the biggest irony about this way of looking at ourselves, is that we all do it when we operate at an unconscious level. So whoever you are, no matter how others perceive you, you will always have a feeling in you that someone else out there knows better than you, regardless of others perceiving you as the wise one. Because let's be honest. How many times have others complimented you, and you've heard a little voice within you saying... ''Boy... if they only knew how clueless I really am''.


Giving yourself permission

So going back to the big message that my soul wants to share with you today, in the hopes of speaking to the soul in you and bringing her either back to life or enlightening her even more than she already was, is that, the wisdom that you're looking for is already within you, and that it's okay if others don't agree with you or even have an opinion on what you're doing. You don't need to get permission from others for everything that you want to think or do, because what others know is not better than what you know, nor what you know, better than what they know. So what you need to do, is to start giving yourself permission already to trust yourself, and to trust that the ideas that flow your through you, are as valuable as the ideas of anyone else.


At the end of the day, we're all souls living in human bodies, experiencing life on earth, and doing our best to make the choices that we believe will unleash the greatest amounts of joy for us.


So my love, let go of the belief that you need validation, approval and permission from others because others know better. No one knows better. We simply all know differently, based on our own unique experiences, which are all equally valid and meaningful. So if you're looking for true wisdom, start building self trust. And for that, go within, travel in silence, reconnect with the stillness in you, and let your soul give you a warm hug of wisdom. Only she knows the answers that you're looking for.


Love,

Mary.


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