Updated: Mar 11
Understanding people out is not an easy task.
For some reason, we look at people and we believe that we have them all figured out, when in reality, we know very little about what's going on inside every person's world.
Up until a certain point, I spent most of my life taking things personally. Feeling either offended or betrayed by people, which led to a lot of disappointments.
One day, I had to face the end of a very important relationship. To me, it felt as if my best friend had broken up with me for no reason. We are talking about the person that I have most understood in my life, and who claimed that nobody understood him better than me.
Having no clue of what had happened to make him make that choice, made me realize that I actually didn't either know nor understand him as much as I thought I did.
This then led me to also realise, that if I didn't know him, I basically knew nobody.
We make a lot of assumptions about the people around us. Accepting that most of the time those assumptions are wrong, has brought me a lot of peace and also a lot of curiosity to make better assumptions.
Our mind works based on assumptions. However, it makes a huge difference to live our lives knowing that what we choose to believe may not be entirely accurate, instead of blindly believing the first thought that pops into our mind.
I have learned that curiosity about other human beings is extremely useful to let go of resentments.
Hey, I am still curious about what happened in that break up! I have an idea about what could have happened, but to be honest, I know that there is a big chance that my conclusion is far from reality, and that's okay.
Awareness of our ignorance really is a game changer when it comes to inner peace.
Instead of taking things personally, I suggest taking things responsibly. This means that no matter the situation that you end up being at, you focus on what you can do to better things from that point forward, instead of focusing on finding who to blame.
To be clear, my break-up story was only an example to point out that even the people you think you know the most, you don't fully know.
This means that it really doesn't make a lot of sense to assume that colleague X doesn't like you because he made a funny face to you, or that your boss doesn't think that you are bright enough because he hasn't given you any positive feedback the past week, month, or ever.
These people are probably just having a bad day, or even a bad life!