Updated: May 20
The other day I was feeling so pumped after finishing my work-out. I was feeling on top of the world and guess what? 5 minutes later I saw a picture of a woman with the most toned body ever, and goodbye, my self-esteem down the drain again!
But you know what? That pity moment only lasted about 2 minutes, because I could easily spot what was going on, and how ridiculous it was.
That story is just to give you an example of one of the most common situations in which we compare ourselves to other people, to automatically feel small.
But this is not a single-topic-issue, meaning, this doesn't ONLY happen when it comes to physical appearance. I mean, if that was the case life would be a lot easier!
But the thing is that we are consciously AND unconsciously comparing ourselves to other people, all-the-time. And when we do, we either feel awesome because we think that we are doing better than someone else, or we feel like crap because we're not doing as good. And when the second one happens, we pity ourselves!
So there are TWO simple reasons why we pity ourselves. No less, no more. Just two, and two very simple ones.
And I'll tell what those are, and how to stop yourself from falling into that ugly loop of self-pity, yes-ter-day!
1. We think our reality should be different.
Should is such a dangerous word. I don't want to say that it's a bad word because it's true, we should do some things. But our mind uses this word WAY too much, to the point where it's just overused, painful and not helpful at all.
We have a tendency to use other people's realities as a reference to define where we should be. And that's just non-sense.
Whether the person that makes you feel down is your best friend (with a background kind of similar to yours), a colleague, or someone that's close to your age but who you don't even know, your reality doesn't have to match theirs.
So here's the cure to this type of self-pity loop:
Stop assuming stuff and making up stories that are not true!
Look, your brain LOVES knowing, so it will assume a bunch of stuff to make a story about someone else's reality. That's just how it works and it's not even your fault, so don't blame this on you.
BUT, now you know this :) So this is your chance to start catching yourself when assuming things about other people, which end up making you feel like you should be where they're at. You shouldn't!
2. We think we could've done better
And know let me introduce you to the second danger-word: could've.
''I could've chosen pink, instead of blue''
''I could've started earlier, and I would've made it on time''
''I could've seen it coming, if I had looked through his phone instead of watching Netflix!''
Look yes, you could've, but you didn't!
And MORE importantly, you didn't for a reason.
When you look back from the future, everything seems super easy because you already know it all. But the reality is that you don't live life backwards. And you're always doing your best with the information and motivation that you have in the moment. Plain and simple.
So stop beating yourself up for the things that you could've done better, because if you were to go back ion time, as the person that you are now, yes, you would do some things differently. But if you were to back in time with no knowledge of today, you would make the same decisions, trust me!
So instead of thinking I could've, think, from now on I will!
And even if you continue falling (which you will), just continue applying the same philosophy. Keep looking forward, because that's the only place that you can actually walk into.
We clear? :)
Now, take it even further!
If you're already feeling a sense of peace only after reading this post, I've got good news for you!
There is a lot more on this topic, and on how to be kinder to yourself in this crazy life, in the Rock Your Energy program. Honestly, if you follow this program and let me be your guide for the next 28-days, the way in which you treat yourself will completely change FOR GOOD.
So I'll be waiting for you there, ready to give you a big virtual hug and make you a freaking pro at loving yourself and your life!
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